I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
