You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
