Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
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Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
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Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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