I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
