I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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