stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
