Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
