haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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