im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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