I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
