Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Verdict: uncircumcised.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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