also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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