no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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