mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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