did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
