I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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