the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
