I wanna bring you to show and tell
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
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We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
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Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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