But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize