I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
