Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
