the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
last night I used snow as a chaser
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
