He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Randomize
