I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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