Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
