So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
