Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
