I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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