I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
