how can u be prego again
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
