so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
