She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
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Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
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my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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