I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
