my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
