after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
