alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
