Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
