Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
