I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Randomize
