I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
