I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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