woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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