Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
