The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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