so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
