quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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