I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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