Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
