My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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