Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize