i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
