the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
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why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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