Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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