ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
