i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
