You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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