y did u give ur computer a hand job?
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
