you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
