If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
