He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
