Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
