Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
